Investments & Adventures: August

To my surprise, I’ve felt more “settled in” to life (for lack of a better term) this month perhaps more than I have all year. God has been doing new things in me & around me and I couldn’t feel better about it. My August adventure started with a trip to Wilmington & continued into a 60th birthday party for my dad. My investment has been in my word of the year: HOPE!

As a bit of a continuation of some things I mentioned in last month’s blog, I decided to spend a week in my college town of Wilmington, NC at the beginning of the month to spend some time with my sweet friends living there. I was able to stay with my best friend/freshman year roommate Brooke, catch up with my friends June, Shelby, & Chetna over drinks/dinner, & hang out with one of my sorority littles Reilly every day I was there! Not only did I get to unwind in good company, but I also spent some much-needed time alone working at coffee shops & lounging on Wrightsville Beach. As social as I am, I’m an introvert who needs her time away from it all, so this time was the perfect way for me to reset & prepare for the busyness of the month ahead as I began my new job with Yelp Hampton Roads & a new semester of classes.

It was truly a privilege to plan a 60th birthday celebration for my dad! He is more deserving than anyone to have a day all about him. His siblings were able to make the trip to visit us in North Carolina from all over: New York, Georgia, & Florida. He also had plenty of other long-time loved ones celebrate with us at our home where we had a huge cookout & party. I could go on and on about how awesome this day was for everyone, but for me it was an event planning adventure that couldn’t have meant more!

Hope is something I’d struggled to keep at the forefront of my mind in the last couple of years, on & off. I’ve let lots of discouragements, disappointments, & letdowns get the best of me to the point where it actually hurt to keep hoping in something. But God has shown me a better way to handle these emotions through the hope I can have in Him. While I knew I’ve been called to meditate on the word “hope” in 2019, it hasn’t always been easy. From the first day of August, this month had seemed to promise a lot to be hopeful about. A new job I had been prayerful about for months, the clean slate of a new semester after (somehow) crushing my summer sessions, & a few weeks of down time before heading full force into it all. Even when I became overwhelmed with stress & anxiety, I was as intentional as possible to change my mindset toward a life-giving perspective on whatever situation faced me.

Having hope in things unseen can be scary–I had to let go of that fear. Having hope can be unnerving–I had to be brave. Having hope meant that I had to trust God to take care of me no matter the outcome. And let me tell you: God completely & unexpectedly blew me away with His love & favor this month in more ways than I’ll even share right now. A simple decision to remain hopeful in the face of uncertainty allows God the opportunity to exceed our expectations & calm all of our fears in the process.

That’s what I did this August & I refuse to quit as the year continues.

“Now may God, the inspiration and fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with his super-abundance until you radiate with hope!” Romans 15:13

Word of the Year: 2018 to 2019

Although my “word of the year” didn’t come to me until about April, it was clear that the Lord was leading me to embrace the word BOLD for the rest of 2018. That challenge for this year was immensely thrilling, albeit challenging for me.

2018 was a huge year both professionally & personally. I:

• Finished all my classes at UNCW (a year earlier than planned)
• Moved to Colorado (best state ever)
• Graduated with my Bachelor’s degree after a 3 month internship (REC kid forever)
• Got full-time employment with the US Air Force civilian service (great gig)
• Learned to be alone, but not lonely (this was important)
• Read the entire Bible (or will have come December 31st)
• Spent every day in relationship with God and not a man (He knew I needed this)

God stretched my faith this year more than I could’ve even imagined. I started 2018 on a trip in Phoenix, Arizona and I can distinctly remember my emotions at that time. I had not a sliver of a clue about where I would be or what I would be doing by the end of the year, but man am I glad that God left some things unknown. My grandparents prayed blessings over my future at the Prayer Pavilion of Light in an ethereal moment and throughout 2018 I watched that prayer come to fruition on a daily basis. I was bold in the decisions I made, all of which led me exactly where I needed to be, no matter how intimidating they might have been in the beginning. Whenever I could, I’d be bold in my interactions with others and I found that it would always lead to greater glory to God.

While I’ll continue to be as intentionally bold as possible throughout my entire life, I already feel the Lord pressing a new word into my heart for 2019. HOPE. It’s been nonchalantly mentioned to me by friends & family over the last couple of months, each time a gentle nudge from God telling me to hold onto it with everything I have.

This year I hoped more than I knew I was capable of with a faith I developed more each day. I had high hopes for where my internship would take me and where I might live, and that hope took me straight where I wanted to be. I hoped for healing that I would receive over many long, slow months. I hoped for things that almost happened, but ended up leaving me disappointed. I hoped for things that never happened at all.

In those not-so-happy times, I would become overwhelmed with feelings of naivety and stupidity for having “gotten my hopes up too high” about things that didn’t end up going as hoped for. There are few things I hate more than feeling that way, especially in front of people whose influence on my life mean a lot to me. But once I convince myself to move past my concern with how other people perceive me or my circumstances, I can refocus on how God sees me and my circumstances. I can begin to hear His voice again, reminding me that it’s okay to have hope. Even when it seems overly-optimistic to other people, God says “I can work with that.”

Through all of that, what I’ve learned above all is that hope in the Lord is far greater than human hope of one’s own accord. They really don’t even compare to one another. Hope in the Lord is hope that prevails even when we don’t get what we want, because we trust that God is sovereign over our lives with His own plan and His perfect timing. This year I’ve grown to be proud of myself for having hope when it seems like maybe I shouldn’t. So going into 2019, I’m going to continue to hope in the things unseen. To hope in the things I have yet to receive. And to hope in all that is to come in this new year, because I know that BOLD HOPE in the Lord will never disappoint (even when humans & circumstances do). Hold on to your hope this year.

For your good & His glory

In the more recent months, I’ve learned more about myself than the years of my life prior, combined. This includes becoming aware of some personal characteristics (but actually, challenges) of mine, a couple of which have seemed to become more noticeable to me amongst all of the life changes I’ve had lately. For some reason by what I know was the prompting of the Holy Spirit, today I felt compelled to share a bit about these struggles to hopefully create some encouragement from them. For whomever might read this post, but probably more importantly, for myself as I’ve grown increasingly discouraged by the way they’ve affected my life.

As a prelude to the more specific characteristics, you must understand that I’m an exceptionally emotional person. While any of my closest friends or family could tell you that, only God really knows what I mean when I say this because it is easily what I would consider the primary descriptor of my personality. Because of this, I tend to get my hopes up very easily at the slightest possibility of a positive or desirable circumstance. This is my first challenge. I get extremely excited about things, even if nothing is guaranteed, because I’ve become a way more positive person than I ever used to be. But then sometimes– life happens. Things end up differently than I expected. It’s at this point where the next challenge comes in: I feel stupid and embarrassed about the expectations I had set, things I had said to other people with higher hopes than I should’ve had, and the level of disappointment I subsequently begin to feel. I’ve struggled with anxiety for the majority of my life (a story for another day) and I’ve learned that changed plans and the most minor of disappointments are a couple of the worst triggers of that for me. Whenever these feelings of disappointment, anxiety, or embarrassment set in, I simply tell myself that I’m never going to get my hopes up again because all I ever do is get let down.

Yeah, because that’s the right attitude to have. This is one of my greatest challenges, to accept when things don’t go my way, with grace. Because often life just doesn’t go the way we expected it would. Sometimes people let us down, hurt our feelings, or turn out to be different than we’d hoped. Sometimes God tells us “not yet,” and we have to wait a little longer for the object of our desire. It’s at these times where I need to remind myself that it’s okay for me to be upset about things, and I should never be ashamed of feeling that way. If God cares enough to number and name each of the stars (Psalm 147:4), shouldn’t I know that He cares about what’s disappointed me?

Our God cares about all the minute details of our lives. He sees me when I’m crying without even understanding why. He sees me while I wait for what my heart so badly longs for. He sees me when I’m disappointed over what others might say is something insignificant or unworthy. And the best part? He doesn’t judge me for a second. I can put my faith in Him to deliver me through whatever size trial is phasing me, just as I’ve seen Him do time after time in my life and the lives of others. Sometimes the trial for me is as small as being excited to go somewhere one evening, then plans being changed at the last minute. Other times it’s bigger, like going many months hoping for something I’m not even sure will ever happen. Whatever your trial is, just know that the Lord sees your pain, and He is actively working to change circumstances, hearts, and lives for your good and His glory.

“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s spirit is right alongside us helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28

How I Got Where I’m Going

When I first decided to accept the internship offer for the Military Extension Internship Program, I was bursting at the seams to share how God intervened in the most incredible way. Now that I finally have my blog “up & running,” I’d love to tell a little bit of how I got where I’m going.

For my university, I’m required to complete an internship to finish my degree in Recreation, Sport Leadership, and Tourism Management. This meant that I would be spending weeks on weeks wondering where I would accomplish this, & hours on hours applying to 20+ internship and job opportunities across the country. I made a spreadsheet to keep track of all of the applications I sent out, when I was supposed to hear back from each of them, and where they were located. For quite some time I had imagined myself moving to Colorado for the internship, so despite the circumstances I decided to find & apply to as many places there as I could. Amongst a few other interviews from different states, I had two Skype interviews for city recreation internships in the ski towns of Colorado. The first ended up being a hit & miss, as I wasn’t offered the position. I remember being disappointed, but not too discouraged, as I had the second opportunity to still hear back from. Between this time I was also waiting to hear back from a few other places that not only weren’t in my list of top destinations, but also didn’t quite match my career goals. There were many moments where I broke down before God asking for discernment about where He might be calling me, as I vowed to go wherever He would send me, even if I did not want to. I reached out to different people many times for prayer during this situation because I had never felt so directionless & in need of clarity. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that season of utter confusion, worry, but also exhilaration of not knowing where on Earth I would be just a few months later.

I nervously pushed off a couple of internship opportunities as I waited to hear back from the second Colorado ski town, which I considered my “first choice” at the time amongst the internships I had interviewed with. The date for informing us about the decision got pushed back multiple times, so you can imagine the anxiety that continued to arise during that particular week. Finally I was told that I would receive notice one way or another on March 13th, so that Tuesday morning I drove to the beach for sunrise (pictured above!) coming before the Lord for peace and comfort no matter what the decision would be. I went to school afterward like any normal day & tried to maintain my cool as I stared at my phone waiting for a congratulations call, or a “we’re sorry” email. What I got that morning was something totally different.

I was working on a group project in an empty classroom when I got the email. Not from the ski town, but from the coordinator of the Military Extension Internship Program. I had applied to this program back in January, and was told to expect calls for interviews at a time which had already passed–therefore, I assumed I was no longer a candidate being considered since I had not heard anything. Regardless & sure enough, there in my inbox was the email saying I had been selected to be an intern for the Air Force at Peterson AFB, CO. While we could list our preferences on the application, we were not guaranteed placement at any particular base. But God poured His endless favor upon me & blessed me with the chance to go to my number one location of Colorado. I genuinely was in disbelief, yet had the most overwhelming sense of stillness in my heart knowing this was exactly where the Lord wanted me to be. I spent the fall months prior doing some soul-searching about what I wanted to do with my career and how I wanted to serve others. After this course of time I began seeing how God was amplifying my passion & appreciation for the military community, so I sought out internship opportunities which related to this. The MEIP was the only one I found which would fit my needs, so when I hadn’t heard back I thought maybe I had somehow heard God wrong, or maybe He was just having me wait. So when I received this opportunity, at a particular time where I was waiting for a completely different outcome, not to mention in the place where I wanted to move to so badly, I had never felt so sure of a decision before–and I’m the worst at making decisions! The Lord gave me the peace to be so confident in this decision that I immediately quit everything I was doing and sent back the agreement papers accepting the position before I had even heard back from the ski town internship. Believe it or not, later in the day I got the call that I was in fact being offered that position with their city recreation department. If I had received the MEIP email just a day or even several hours later, I would have ended up with the other internship instead since I thought that was what was best for me. But God in all his perfect timing and provision had a better plan for me. While turning it down was not easy after having spent weeks praying for what I thought was the right opportunity for me, I haven’t looked back since because I know where I am now is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Two and a half months later I’m sitting in my hotel nearing the end of my internship orientation in Arlington, VA where I got to meet my mentor from Peterson AFB, interact with the other interns placed around the country, and learn more about what this program will entail. I fly back home tomorrow night and will be leaving for my road trip to Colorado with my dad at dark-thirty the next morning. I’ll be moving into an apartment with one of my best friends who so courageously decided to take this journey out west with me, with the support of an entire community in Virginia and North Carolina behind me cheering me on no matter how far I may be. Albeit lengthy, I hope this snapshot of my story encourages at least one person to continue trusting in the Lord in your pursuit of His will, because you just might find yourself somewhere more beautiful than your wildest dreams.

Colorado, I’m coming for you!