Word of the Year: 2020 to 2021

For the growth-minded individual, 2020 begs to be reflected upon. I would contend that each of us has witnessed the thresholds of our disappointment tolerance rise; then, at times, at least, the capacity of our hopes fall. I am certainly no exception. Nonetheless, in reflection, I choose to delight in the ways God has sustained me and transformed the way I think, even through a year like 2020. I remember that to Him, a year is like an infinitesimal fraction of a day.

The word I dwelled on to guide my year was “perspective.” Perspective is the way we see things, and for me, this particularly meant the way I see the world and interact within it. What a timely word to enter my spirit before I would step into a season where fundamentally, everything I perceived about the year to come would dissolve into incessant unpredictability. In tandem, the desires I had for the trajectory of my life began to unravel, revealing impure and often indeterminate motives. Navel-gazing is a fitting term I’ve learned for the way I spent prior months of planning egocentrically disregarding how there might be more to the desires I had possessed. In my physical isolation in a small town, my perspective began to shift to one which is global and eternal. God was trying to answer a persisting prayer–I only had to pause and listen.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

Slightly over three years ago, I went to the beach at sunrise nearly every day, praying the same prayer. Definitively, I didn’t know what I cared about in life. It seemed like everyone around me, especially within the realm of believers I had newly entered, knew exactly what mattered to them–which of the world’s problems they were going to solve and how. Given, in hindsight, I recognize my perception did not accurately reflect reality. Still, I knew I wanted to figure out God’s purpose for my life, disparate from the narrow plans I had left Him out of. So I asked God to give me a dream. Over and over, when I didn’t know what else to pray, a desperate plea of “please give me a dream for my life” became my mantra (often followed by, “because I don’t know what I’m doing!”).

I have gradually but radically changed over the last couple of years. But even after getting involved with organizations and causes of many backgrounds, I did not find one which settled into my spirit the way I trusted a dream would. In those years, I was circumspect in pursuing or even admitting inklings of dreams I’d had out of fear of misperception, lack of support, and failure. I thought my dreams might be lofty and therefore unattainable; so I pulled them back under the covers to sleep, not to be awakened unless by happenstance. Then, it was through forced seasons of rest when I learned that rest was the very thing which would rouse my purpose.

I am burdened by the way the world’s dispositions to time, work and rest have fallen so far from the rhythms God designed and modeled since the Genesis story of creation. I am burdened by the lack of boundaries in a seemingly endless work week. I am burdened by how infrequently I find two or more people who are truly present with one another, free of distractions and ostensible multitasking. In response, I’ve begun to practice a weekly Sabbath. I’m working toward continuously learning what this has looked like biblically and historically, and what that means for today. Although I am wending my way to concrete steps forward, God has expanded my faith to believe there is hope for change, and I can be a part of it should I offer myself freely to Him.

2020 taught me to dream. God answered many of my prayers this year in unexpected ways, as He does so well. My perspective has been entirely renewed and I have a number of dreams I might have laughed at a year ago, that I wholeheartedly believe I will see fulfilled. Rest seems to be a central theme through them all. In 2021, I am choosing to meditate on the word “fulfillment.” There are two definitions I consider here. “The achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted” serves as encouragement to hold onto hope to see dreams come to fruition. I can trust God’s character of grace and generosity to remain. “Satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character” demonstrates fulfillment as more than achievement, but contentment with progress. I want to find fulfillment in the things I pour my time and energy into regardless of circumstances, because my character has much room to develop through them all.

If I’m being honest, many of the dreams God has put on my heart this year scare me. Unless I put them in perspective and remember who gave them to me, I often feel overwhelmed by and alone in them. In many ways, that is all the confidence I need to know I am headed in the right direction, knowing any plans may only be accomplished through Him.

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. Philippians 3:12

Peace and blessings to you in the New Year.

Make Time for Your Maker

Here we go again, another blog post I was prompted to write a bit ago but wasn’t sure how. I’m learning that you have to live out what you’re sharing, then just go for it when you’re ready to write.

While having a faith conversation with a friend about spending time with God (particularly through church), I felt Him tell me that I needed to “practice what I preach,” if you will. While I’ll humbly say that I know I put a fair amount time into my relationship with God if I’m comparing myself to some other people, I realized in that moment that I wasn’t putting as much time into it when I compared myself, with myself.

When I first went all in for Jesus in 2017, I was in a place of brokenness where I didn’t know how I would survive the day without spending every waking moment dwelling with the Spirit. It seemed as though I was in prayer each minute I wasn’t spending talking to someone, and nearly every activity I did was in attempt to draw closer to Him. I remember waking up at dark-thirty every morning to watch the sunrise on the beach before classes as my quiet time (sidebar: remembering this is one of the only things that makes me wish I still lived at the beach instead!). Every day I would pray the same thing (amongst others of course): Lord, please set me on fire for You. And man, that prayer has been being continually answered daily since then.

I also remember a distinct prayer I often repeated as well: Lord, please forgive me for the times in my life where I am more distant from you than I am now–because we both know those days will come. I find myself thinking about this often, which would be good and well if I took each of those thoughts and turned them into a fix for the problem. Sometimes it’s easier to forget about God when we think we need Him less–when our pain begins to subside, when our circumstances start to change for the better, or when we become more confident in who HE is transforming us into. Since that moment in conversation with my friend, I knew I needed to be more intentional with my relationship with Jesus because He is so intentional with me.

I honestly couldn’t be happier that I’m making more time for my Maker again. I can feel the difference in my day to day wanderings in physical presence and thoughts alike. As I’ve opened my eyes, ears, and heart to recognize how He’s moving, I’ve seen my specific prayers answered in insane ways I could’ve never came up with on my own. The best part is that I know He will continue to move in this way as He responds to bigger and bolder prayers throughout my life.

I want to share a few practical tips for how we can spend more time with Jesus, even when we feel our schedule is just too busy and overwhelming for much more. Disclaimer: none or even all of this could be a substitute for complete quiet & alone time with God in prayer, attending church, or serving in any capacity. More-so, they are suggestions for how to turn your everyday tasks into opportunities to spend time with the Spirit.

• Talk to God, out loud, in your car or shower. There is something so powerful about speaking to Him outside of our heads and being bold enough to hear our own cries to Him–or letting others see you cry in the car when it gets that good! You have to do these things anyway, so you might as well use them to connect with God. Turn on some worship music too if you’re into that, to help position your heart toward Him.
• Go on prayer walks. This is personally my favorite way to experience quiet time and has proven to be incredibly impactful in my life. Sometimes I’ll do it around my apartment and pray out loud, non-stop for about 30 minutes while walking back and forth between rooms. Other times, I’ll go on a neighborhood walk or hike while listening to worship music and just being quiet for a while to let Him speak to me. Anddd, you can get your steps and exercise in this way at the same time!
• Pick a verse of the day/week to dwell on in your in-between moments. This could be the verse of the day on YouVersion (an awesome Bible resource!) or you can search for one based on your current situation. Try to memorize this verse and find ways to apply it to what you’re experiencing. While it’s important to spend as much time as possible in the Word, this is a great way to be encouraged while you’re stressed or overwhelmed, by simply taking breaks during your day to remember God’s promises.
• Find ways to speak to (or ask) others about Jesus in your day-to-day. Whether it be in the lunch room at work or on your usual phone call to your parents/kids/friend, figure out you can encourage them or how they can encourage you. If you have a friend who you know loves Jesus and you just want to know more, casually ask them about the church they go to. Ask your loved one how you can be praying for them before you hang up the phone. You’ll be surprised how God will respond when you are incorporating Him in your daily interactions with others.
• Pray until you fall asleep! So many times I’ve gone through a mental list of people/things to pray about and woken up the next morning realizing I didn’t get to finish. And that’s okay! I was able to spend my last moments of the day talking to God and that sets me up perfectly for remembering Him first thing in the morning.

These are just a few simple ways we can try to spend a little more time with the Lord amidst our busyness. God wants to spend every single minute of your life with you, but we can’t experience the effects of this unless we let Him. I would love to hear any suggestions others may have on how they choose to make more time for their Maker! If you’ve read this and struggle with how to spend time with God, or even trying to find the desire to, PLEASE reach out to me. So many people miss an opportunity to transform their life in this way, and while I’m striving to get better every day, it would be great to help encourage someone else in this area too.

“Move your heart closer and closer to God, and He will come even closer to you. But make sure you cleanse your life, you sinners, and keep your heart pure and stop doubting.” James 4:8

Unraveling “The Joy Model”

The idea behind this particular blog post is simply to synthesize & share the practical model for cultivating joy created by Jeff Spadafora in his book, The Joy Model. I recently finished this “step-by-step guide” which I believe can help nearly anyone (including myself) in a determination to discover greater purpose in everyday life through an implementation of Christian values and appropriate balance of “being” and “doing.”

The primary issue tackled in this book is the fact that millions, if not billions, of people on Earth struggle with a consuming discontent with their lives. They feel they have little purpose, mindlessly going through the motions of day-to-day life in order to provide for their families or at the very least, maintain their own sanity. The book seems to be geared more toward middle-aged adults, however as a young adult I still found the basic message to be incredibly relevant. Since I went all-in for Jesus last year, I began feeling an overwhelming heartache at the thought of so many people who are unhappy, unable to see the beauty that lies around us regardless of circumstances. This book provides an empirical process for shifting our focus off of ourselves and our own dissatisfactions, onto a higher purpose of sustaining peace and serving others which we’ve all been called toward.

Shown below is the diagram of The Joy Model– where the objective is to find ourselves in the place of “the Joyful Follower” in terms of balancing our being (“the spiritual process of growing in the knowledge of God and of myself” p. 25) and our doing (“living out all that I am learning and becoming in all aspects of my life” p. 25). Many of us find ourselves in the other three quadrants. “The Frustrated Believer” fails to allow their soul to be nourished, stuck in the seemingly tedious routine of squeezing a prayer in here or there in the midst of a busier-than-thou lifestyle. They struggle with a lack of spiritual growth and encounters with the Holy Spirit, both of which are crucial to our ultimate godly joy. “The Weary Worker” wears themselves down with good deeds motivated by negative emotions such as guilt or shame, as opposed to love and gratitude. They are stuck in this quadrant based on their misguided need to prove themselves (either to God or to those around them) as worthy and holy believers. A disconnect from intimacy with the Lord is where the problem lies. “The Heartless Hypocrite” experiences a stagnant heart which inhibits the person’s life from changing altogether. They might often look spiritual on the outside, yet fail to become aware of who God created them to be because they aren’t actually living fully in His presence.

In order to find ourselves in the desired upper right-hand quadrant, Spadafora developed a M.A.S.T.E.R. Plan to aid believers in reaching their highest potential for joy in Christ. While the book obviously goes into depth with the explanation of these six steps, I chose a key line or two from each section which summarizes the magnitude of each piece of the plan.

Margin

“You won’t experience purpose, meaning, and joy if you don’t create margin in your calendar to proactively make changes in your life” (p. 43). The constant pursuit of wealth, power, knowledge, travel, etc. are all “meaningless, a chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 1:14), therefore we must prioritize what we value in life and make time for the things that will aid us in getting where we want to go.

Abiding

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you” (John 15:7). All abide means is simply “to be with” or “to live with,” which is how we achieve the “being” aspect of the Joy Model. We do this by studying the Bible, meditating/memorizing on the Word, prayer, silence/solitude, Christian camaraderie, fasting, and through music and nature.

Self-Awareness

“Understanding who you are–how God uniquely put you together–is critical to building a life of joy… Self-awareness reveals your passions, strengths, blind spots, and environments you thrive in, as well as your fears, selfishness, pride, and worries” (p. 100). When we determine these things, we unleash the power found in knowing how God strategically knit us together to ultimately be in service to others for His glory.

Treasure

If your priority is joy but you can’t seem to grasp it, search your heart to see if money fears are standing in the way” (p. 125). If our priorities are wrong and we are not truly trusting God in every area of our lives, including in our finances, we will never attain the free and joyful life He has called us to. We must take courageous steps, trusting Him with our various treasures, in order to reach that outcome.

Engagement

“God’s plan isn’t just to save us so we can go to heaven after we die. His plan is to enlist us in doing His work” (p. 127). What divine purpose we have when we see this way! There is so much more to life than working ourselves to death, literally. When we engage in His mission for us, we find the truest joy in finding meaning for our lives and pleasing Him while doing it. “God has already told us what to do. Our job is to figure out how to use our unique skills, resources, platform, and relationships to impact one or more of those assignments.” How, you might ask?

1. Apply the skills that give you energy
2. To a cause that makes God and you mad, sad, or glad
3. In an organization with the right role and culture for you
4. Do it all in Jesus’ name.” (p. 135)

Relationships

“Relationships are hard. They take time. Conflict happens, and we too easily revert back to our win-lose approaches rather than win-win. But the time and effort you put into your relationships will contribute to the joy and fulfillment in your life (p. 158). Spadafora considers this element to perhaps be the most important in the determination of joy. No matter how much we engage in our calling, we won’t find the joy lasts until we learn how to balance nourishing our relationships with family and friends.

None of these elements are successful on their own, but a proactive pursuit of each of them will ultimately help lead you toward a more joyful, purposed life. I’ve never been one to believe there is an easy method to attaining anything as desirable as “true joy,” however I do believe that commitment to a thought-out guide such as that of The Joy Model will greatly propel someone in the right direction. If any of the above material stood out to you, or you have a propensity for feeling inexplicably unfulfilled, I highly encourage you to read this book for yourself. I have never experienced a joy the way I do in my relationship with Jesus Christ, and I genuinely want everyone I know to feel the same. While this book or the principles laid out within it are nowhere near an instant-fix to an unhappy life, they are a great start for those who are seeking more “peace, purpose, and balance.”

(A proper citation as a nod to my college professors’ relentless spiels about plagiarism)

Spadafora, J. (2016). The Joy Model: A Step-By-Step Guide to Peace, Purpose, and Balance. Nashville, TN: Nelson Books.

A First Calling

Just two years ago, I had decided to switch from a Criminology major to an Oceanography major. Seeing as I ended up getting my degree in Recreation & am moving to the mountains, it’s obvious that didn’t last very long. When I first became a Recreation major, I really had no clue what I wanted to do in the field. There are countless options of career paths to get into with the major I finally decided on, & for a while I was lost trying to narrow them down. A beautiful friend of mine by the name of Brooke (the same friend who let me stay with her as I mentioned in my “Going All In For Jesus” post) told me a little bit about her job as a counselor at the YMCA when we lived together over the summer of 2017. At the time my practicum was about to be over & I was going to be left without a job for the remainder of the summer. To make a long story short, I ended up getting hired as a Camp Counselor and ended up transitioning into an Afterschool Counselor position shortly thereafter.

I’ve always loved kids, but I had never really considered a career that involved working with them daily. With my part-time position with the Y, I quickly realized that I genuinely enjoyed the job each & every day. Even when I was in the worst mood, coming into work & being with our kids made me leave all my cares & concerns behind. Because of that job (& Brooke’s influence which got me there), I discovered a first calling on my life by the Lord to pursue a career that impacted the lives of children.

Since then I’ve also discovered that my area of passionate ministry is the military community. My upcoming internship will allow me to serve children in military families through recreational & educational opportunities as well as through general loving care. When I received my offer for this internship, in my state of choice no less, it confirmed to me all that I believed God was calling me to do. And it all started with that initial Camp Counselor gig that made me realize the joy I so easily find every time I’m around our youngest generation.

Today was my last day of work at the YMCA, at least here in Wilmington. I found myself tearing up at the thought of the fact that I’ll likely never see any of our kids again, and full-on crying when I saw the most wonderful sign on the wall with a goodbye note written from each of them. Those elementary schoolers may not even remember me when they get older, but boy I wish they knew how much they mean to me. It took nowhere near the entirety of my eight months spent with them to realize that I want to keep impacting the lives of our youth for years to come. I can’t even imagine being in the career fields I once thought were my perfect fit, which just goes to show that God knows me better than I know myself & He brought me exactly where I needed to be, when I needed to be there. Even though I’m going to miss the YMCA, my coworkers, & those kids immensely, I know that the Lord will provide new opportunities for me to pursue this call on my life throughout my internship & beyond.

Getting Rooted

Life requires Community & I found mine at Church.

As I’m starting to say my goodbyes in Wilmington, I’ve been reflecting on how blessed I am to have found multiple communities of people to support & encourage me. But the one I am so grateful for most recently is the one I found at Life Community Church. From the day I walked into “the church in the mall” searching for a place of worship to begin attending my senior year, I genuinely felt right at home. Since then I’ve grown to love the people, the praise, and the powerful delivery of countless encouraging messages from our pastor and the leadership team. Even though I’m slightly nervous to have to find a new church home, I’ll always remember how God showed up right when I needed Him to by bringing me into Life CC. I know He’ll do it again in Colorado!

Becoming an active part of my church helped my relationship with the Lord grow immeasurably more than I probably even realize. First, I started attending the early service every week. It didn’t take too long before I desired to get more involved (based on how happy it made me every Sunday) through becoming a part of the young adult ministry, serving in the children’s ministry during second service, and eventually beginning to give my weekly tithes. I could write an individual blog post about how each of these things has allowed God to blow me away, especially since I had gone so long without them in my life. I was so unaware of the joy I was missing out on, until I realized that the community I’d made at the church had given me so much of it.

But at the end of the day, no matter how involved you are at church, our salvation is not measured by our good deeds and participation. Because of Jesus, we have been set free from any kind of rule book in order to be in personal relationship with God. So while being part of a church community is a crucial aspect of nourishing that relationship, it doesn’t change how much God loves us already. Having been able to “get rooted” is the most valuable thing I’ve gained from becoming an active member of the church. When something is rooted, it is attached to something else which supports its growth by providing nourishment. That is exactly what I’ve gained from Life CC, and I can’t wait to see the long-term harvest to be reaped after getting to do this all over again.

Catch Amy & I church searching in Colorado Springs!!

Going All In For Jesus

Toward the end of last year my life changed in a significant way. My heart was broken and I had no idea what else to do but turn to Jesus. I’ve always been a Christian and grew up in the church, however I’ve never experienced the true peace that comes with a relationship with God until this time in my life. I can’t even describe the way the Lord surrounded me in His love as I spent countless days & nights feeling confused & defeated, trying to figure out what went wrong, looking back on the past. That’s not to say that I don’t do those things anymore, because I definitely do. But what’s different is that I don’t let those things have a stronghold over my life, because the truths I’ve learned about God & His faithfulness prove to have much greater power.

During this hardship I began to look to Jesus in everything I did. Because if I’m perfectly honest, there were times where I was hurting so badly that I didn’t know how I could get out of bed without laying all of my pain at His feet, trusting Him to get me through each day one at a time. I so clearly remember waking up in one my best friends’ bed the first morning after my world was flipped upside down (not to be dramatic, but this is actually how it felt) and having the first thing I saw be a sign in her room that read “Be Strong & Courageous.” In that moment of re-realization of what had just happened, where I truly thought I would be an emotional, unstable wreck– simply seeing that sign somehow put all of the strength & courage imaginable inside of me. The peace I felt in that moment I still cannot put into words, no matter how many times I’ve tried to explain it to friends. The only way I know how to describe it is that God was in that room with me, His presence fully encompassing me, ready to take me on a journey to know His heart.

Shortly before all of this happened but even more so after, I began to do devotionals on YouVersion (the Bible app, 10/10 recommend to anyone at all stages of faith), read my Bible daily, pray consistently, attend & serve at church, and surround myself with a godly community of friends. Along with some of these practices came an awareness of my sins & shortcomings, as well as the natural desire to surrender some bad habits. Every day since that time I have seen the Love & Hope of Jesus in new ways, heard His voice clearer than ever before, & grown to know that I am infinitely loved by the Lord. The best part is, He loved me no less when I lived my life paying no mind to Him than He does where I am today. He orchestrated all of my steps so that one day, I would make the decision to go all in for Him after He relentlessly pursued me through my seasons of dismissal. Because of the never-changing grace He’s shown me, I can’t help but want to share that with as many people as possible so that they know how easy it is to experience a peace greater than you can even imagine. All you have to do is say yes to Him.

Today in church we looked at Philippians 2:9 and talked about how God exalted Jesus and gave Him the name above all names. Without realizing it, this principle is what I’ve been growing to learn over these months of transformation.

The name of Jesus is above the name of heartbreak.

The name of Jesus is above the name of loneliness.

The name of Jesus is above the name of anxiety.

The name of Jesus is above the name of whatever individual battle you are facing, and He wants to be in relationship with you so that He can give you peace that surpasses all understanding.

When there’s two days of class left in your college career, you start a blog…

So this is something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time, but last week while at my church’s annual women’s conference “Flourish,” I felt prompted by God to put the urge into action. He emphasized to me the word SHARE, which is what I’m aiming to do in a simple way through this blog. I’ve always loved writing & chronicling my life in various ways (poetry, photography, etc.) so it’s only natural that at the beginning & end of two huge life events I have coming up, it’s the perfect time to start writing about my journey.

Even though I’m technically not graduating until after my summer internship is over, I’m participating in a “Celebration of Achievement Ceremony” at which I will get to walk the stage in cap & gown in recognition of completing all of my university classes. Since two of my best friends are also graduating, we of course had to spend a night decorating our caps. Despite the anxiety this caused my perfectionist self, we got it done with a little help from one another. I am so going to miss these nights together, hanging out at the apartment with our kitties running around, getting into everything. It’s moments like these where I thank God that He has placed me exactly where I am, with purpose, planned out long before I even knew who these beautiful friends of mine were.

I’m still not sure if it has really hit me that I’m leaving this lovely town in just a couple short weeks, or that a little over a month from now I’ll be (physically) leaving life as I know it behind me, and starting a brand new chapter 1,777 miles away. But as I’m reflecting on where I was in life three years ago, a new high school graduate, I realize that I’m an entirely different person than I was then, in the best way. I would have never pictured myself in a place like the one I’m about to move to–and I certainly couldn’t have predicted that I would find myself in an authentic, cherishable, and fulfilling relationship with the Lord. He has not only filled my heart with new desires & dreams bigger than I could’ve imagined on my own, but He’s moved mountains on my behalf. And that’s why through this unpredictable next phase in my life, I can’t even help but continue to keep my faith in Him.