Not Afraid to Fall

Fall has never really been my season. Not because I don’t like it–believe me, I could not be more excited for sweater weather, the changing of leaves to my favorite colors, or the holiday festivities. Bad things just tend to happen to me during this time of year.

For the past three years, I’ve had some pretty dramatic life events take place in the September/October time frame. Cliff notes of Fall ’15, ’16, & ’17: I got myself into some trouble, totalled my car, & had a highly adored relationship end. Because of these things, I’ve had some trouble getting into the autumn spirit this year. To be perfectly honest, I’m terrified that something negative will happen again. As great of a place as I’m in now that I live in Colorado, I can’t help but feel like I’ll have to come down from the high at some point, & that naturally it’ll happen in the pattern that it has been.

I used to be a pessimistic realist. I would have a grounded view on what could happen, but with expectations of the worst. However recently I’ve been slowly transforming into an optimistic realist. I figure out possible outcomes, prayerful for the desires of my heart with faith that God’s will is sovereign over my plans anyway.  But now that fall is here again, I’m struggling to maintain that mindset. Ever since I found out I was moving to Colorado, an answered prayer to be placed somewhere that feels so authentically like home, my testimony began to evolve. I could have been called to move essentially anywhere, but God chose to bring me to a place where I’ve become more fulfilled in him and happier with myself than I ever have been. But of course, this didn’t mean that I would magically become perfectly content in every area of life.

In the time since I’ve fully settled in, I’ve been dealing with some heart issues. Haven’t we all? Whether it be bitterness, rejection, or resentment (a few of mine), anger, unforgiveness, or guilt, these things affect the way we perceive our circumstances. Thankfully, I’m wildly aware of those emotions and how they’re affecting my daily life. I talk to God about them all the time, & do my best to work on improving, but it’s never easy. In the thick of summertime, it was much simpler for me to ignore the parts of life which had me feeling that way. However with the change of seasons, this year in particular is coming with many changes in my personal life. Pair that with my history of ill-fated autumns & it’s a recipe for worry about the months to come.

Lately I’ve been running out of my positive momentum, and it’s been easy for me to feel like the good has run out on me. To feel like God’s giving everyone what they want except for me. I often neglect to remember how far I’ve come or how much I’ve been given because of the emotions that cloud my vision. I wrongly choose to focus on my losses instead of my gains. I fear that my waiting seasons will last much longer than I hope for & the inconveniences in my life will be much worse than I plan for. I only see what other people have that I don’t, instead of realizing that I have everything I could possibly need.

As I enter into my jinxed time of year, I’m struggling to maintain the optimism that I take pride in. What if my circumstances don’t take a turn for the better? What if I have to go through another loss this fall? It’s during these times of questioning that I have to remind myself of a powerful truth: despite any circumstances, I have everything I need in Christ. It doesn’t matter what this season holds for me, because there is nothing I can’t face when I put my trust in the one who holds the universe in his hands. I will choose to see the remainder of this year as an opportunity for growth, self-improvement, and contentment. Whether something unexpectedly wonderful happens, or the “trend” of events continues, I will see it as God teaching me to make the most of exactly where he has me, when he has me there.

“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13

How I Got Where I’m Going

When I first decided to accept the internship offer for the Military Extension Internship Program, I was bursting at the seams to share how God intervened in the most incredible way. Now that I finally have my blog “up & running,” I’d love to tell a little bit of how I got where I’m going.

For my university, I’m required to complete an internship to finish my degree in Recreation, Sport Leadership, and Tourism Management. This meant that I would be spending weeks on weeks wondering where I would accomplish this, & hours on hours applying to 20+ internship and job opportunities across the country. I made a spreadsheet to keep track of all of the applications I sent out, when I was supposed to hear back from each of them, and where they were located. For quite some time I had imagined myself moving to Colorado for the internship, so despite the circumstances I decided to find & apply to as many places there as I could. Amongst a few other interviews from different states, I had two Skype interviews for city recreation internships in the ski towns of Colorado. The first ended up being a hit & miss, as I wasn’t offered the position. I remember being disappointed, but not too discouraged, as I had the second opportunity to still hear back from. Between this time I was also waiting to hear back from a few other places that not only weren’t in my list of top destinations, but also didn’t quite match my career goals. There were many moments where I broke down before God asking for discernment about where He might be calling me, as I vowed to go wherever He would send me, even if I did not want to. I reached out to different people many times for prayer during this situation because I had never felt so directionless & in need of clarity. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that season of utter confusion, worry, but also exhilaration of not knowing where on Earth I would be just a few months later.

I nervously pushed off a couple of internship opportunities as I waited to hear back from the second Colorado ski town, which I considered my “first choice” at the time amongst the internships I had interviewed with. The date for informing us about the decision got pushed back multiple times, so you can imagine the anxiety that continued to arise during that particular week. Finally I was told that I would receive notice one way or another on March 13th, so that Tuesday morning I drove to the beach for sunrise (pictured above!) coming before the Lord for peace and comfort no matter what the decision would be. I went to school afterward like any normal day & tried to maintain my cool as I stared at my phone waiting for a congratulations call, or a “we’re sorry” email. What I got that morning was something totally different.

I was working on a group project in an empty classroom when I got the email. Not from the ski town, but from the coordinator of the Military Extension Internship Program. I had applied to this program back in January, and was told to expect calls for interviews at a time which had already passed–therefore, I assumed I was no longer a candidate being considered since I had not heard anything. Regardless & sure enough, there in my inbox was the email saying I had been selected to be an intern for the Air Force at Peterson AFB, CO. While we could list our preferences on the application, we were not guaranteed placement at any particular base. But God poured His endless favor upon me & blessed me with the chance to go to my number one location of Colorado. I genuinely was in disbelief, yet had the most overwhelming sense of stillness in my heart knowing this was exactly where the Lord wanted me to be. I spent the fall months prior doing some soul-searching about what I wanted to do with my career and how I wanted to serve others. After this course of time I began seeing how God was amplifying my passion & appreciation for the military community, so I sought out internship opportunities which related to this. The MEIP was the only one I found which would fit my needs, so when I hadn’t heard back I thought maybe I had somehow heard God wrong, or maybe He was just having me wait. So when I received this opportunity, at a particular time where I was waiting for a completely different outcome, not to mention in the place where I wanted to move to so badly, I had never felt so sure of a decision before–and I’m the worst at making decisions! The Lord gave me the peace to be so confident in this decision that I immediately quit everything I was doing and sent back the agreement papers accepting the position before I had even heard back from the ski town internship. Believe it or not, later in the day I got the call that I was in fact being offered that position with their city recreation department. If I had received the MEIP email just a day or even several hours later, I would have ended up with the other internship instead since I thought that was what was best for me. But God in all his perfect timing and provision had a better plan for me. While turning it down was not easy after having spent weeks praying for what I thought was the right opportunity for me, I haven’t looked back since because I know where I am now is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Two and a half months later I’m sitting in my hotel nearing the end of my internship orientation in Arlington, VA where I got to meet my mentor from Peterson AFB, interact with the other interns placed around the country, and learn more about what this program will entail. I fly back home tomorrow night and will be leaving for my road trip to Colorado with my dad at dark-thirty the next morning. I’ll be moving into an apartment with one of my best friends who so courageously decided to take this journey out west with me, with the support of an entire community in Virginia and North Carolina behind me cheering me on no matter how far I may be. Albeit lengthy, I hope this snapshot of my story encourages at least one person to continue trusting in the Lord in your pursuit of His will, because you just might find yourself somewhere more beautiful than your wildest dreams.

Colorado, I’m coming for you!

Unraveling “The Joy Model”

The idea behind this particular blog post is simply to synthesize & share the practical model for cultivating joy created by Jeff Spadafora in his book, The Joy Model. I recently finished this “step-by-step guide” which I believe can help nearly anyone (including myself) in a determination to discover greater purpose in everyday life through an implementation of Christian values and appropriate balance of “being” and “doing.”

The primary issue tackled in this book is the fact that millions, if not billions, of people on Earth struggle with a consuming discontent with their lives. They feel they have little purpose, mindlessly going through the motions of day-to-day life in order to provide for their families or at the very least, maintain their own sanity. The book seems to be geared more toward middle-aged adults, however as a young adult I still found the basic message to be incredibly relevant. Since I went all-in for Jesus last year, I began feeling an overwhelming heartache at the thought of so many people who are unhappy, unable to see the beauty that lies around us regardless of circumstances. This book provides an empirical process for shifting our focus off of ourselves and our own dissatisfactions, onto a higher purpose of sustaining peace and serving others which we’ve all been called toward.

Shown below is the diagram of The Joy Model– where the objective is to find ourselves in the place of “the Joyful Follower” in terms of balancing our being (“the spiritual process of growing in the knowledge of God and of myself” p. 25) and our doing (“living out all that I am learning and becoming in all aspects of my life” p. 25). Many of us find ourselves in the other three quadrants. “The Frustrated Believer” fails to allow their soul to be nourished, stuck in the seemingly tedious routine of squeezing a prayer in here or there in the midst of a busier-than-thou lifestyle. They struggle with a lack of spiritual growth and encounters with the Holy Spirit, both of which are crucial to our ultimate godly joy. “The Weary Worker” wears themselves down with good deeds motivated by negative emotions such as guilt or shame, as opposed to love and gratitude. They are stuck in this quadrant based on their misguided need to prove themselves (either to God or to those around them) as worthy and holy believers. A disconnect from intimacy with the Lord is where the problem lies. “The Heartless Hypocrite” experiences a stagnant heart which inhibits the person’s life from changing altogether. They might often look spiritual on the outside, yet fail to become aware of who God created them to be because they aren’t actually living fully in His presence.

In order to find ourselves in the desired upper right-hand quadrant, Spadafora developed a M.A.S.T.E.R. Plan to aid believers in reaching their highest potential for joy in Christ. While the book obviously goes into depth with the explanation of these six steps, I chose a key line or two from each section which summarizes the magnitude of each piece of the plan.

Margin

“You won’t experience purpose, meaning, and joy if you don’t create margin in your calendar to proactively make changes in your life” (p. 43). The constant pursuit of wealth, power, knowledge, travel, etc. are all “meaningless, a chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 1:14), therefore we must prioritize what we value in life and make time for the things that will aid us in getting where we want to go.

Abiding

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you” (John 15:7). All abide means is simply “to be with” or “to live with,” which is how we achieve the “being” aspect of the Joy Model. We do this by studying the Bible, meditating/memorizing on the Word, prayer, silence/solitude, Christian camaraderie, fasting, and through music and nature.

Self-Awareness

“Understanding who you are–how God uniquely put you together–is critical to building a life of joy… Self-awareness reveals your passions, strengths, blind spots, and environments you thrive in, as well as your fears, selfishness, pride, and worries” (p. 100). When we determine these things, we unleash the power found in knowing how God strategically knit us together to ultimately be in service to others for His glory.

Treasure

If your priority is joy but you can’t seem to grasp it, search your heart to see if money fears are standing in the way” (p. 125). If our priorities are wrong and we are not truly trusting God in every area of our lives, including in our finances, we will never attain the free and joyful life He has called us to. We must take courageous steps, trusting Him with our various treasures, in order to reach that outcome.

Engagement

“God’s plan isn’t just to save us so we can go to heaven after we die. His plan is to enlist us in doing His work” (p. 127). What divine purpose we have when we see this way! There is so much more to life than working ourselves to death, literally. When we engage in His mission for us, we find the truest joy in finding meaning for our lives and pleasing Him while doing it. “God has already told us what to do. Our job is to figure out how to use our unique skills, resources, platform, and relationships to impact one or more of those assignments.” How, you might ask?

1. Apply the skills that give you energy
2. To a cause that makes God and you mad, sad, or glad
3. In an organization with the right role and culture for you
4. Do it all in Jesus’ name.” (p. 135)

Relationships

“Relationships are hard. They take time. Conflict happens, and we too easily revert back to our win-lose approaches rather than win-win. But the time and effort you put into your relationships will contribute to the joy and fulfillment in your life (p. 158). Spadafora considers this element to perhaps be the most important in the determination of joy. No matter how much we engage in our calling, we won’t find the joy lasts until we learn how to balance nourishing our relationships with family and friends.

None of these elements are successful on their own, but a proactive pursuit of each of them will ultimately help lead you toward a more joyful, purposed life. I’ve never been one to believe there is an easy method to attaining anything as desirable as “true joy,” however I do believe that commitment to a thought-out guide such as that of The Joy Model will greatly propel someone in the right direction. If any of the above material stood out to you, or you have a propensity for feeling inexplicably unfulfilled, I highly encourage you to read this book for yourself. I have never experienced a joy the way I do in my relationship with Jesus Christ, and I genuinely want everyone I know to feel the same. While this book or the principles laid out within it are nowhere near an instant-fix to an unhappy life, they are a great start for those who are seeking more “peace, purpose, and balance.”

(A proper citation as a nod to my college professors’ relentless spiels about plagiarism)

Spadafora, J. (2016). The Joy Model: A Step-By-Step Guide to Peace, Purpose, and Balance. Nashville, TN: Nelson Books.

Going All In For Jesus

Toward the end of last year my life changed in a significant way. My heart was broken and I had no idea what else to do but turn to Jesus. I’ve always been a Christian and grew up in the church, however I’ve never experienced the true peace that comes with a relationship with God until this time in my life. I can’t even describe the way the Lord surrounded me in His love as I spent countless days & nights feeling confused & defeated, trying to figure out what went wrong, looking back on the past. That’s not to say that I don’t do those things anymore, because I definitely do. But what’s different is that I don’t let those things have a stronghold over my life, because the truths I’ve learned about God & His faithfulness prove to have much greater power.

During this hardship I began to look to Jesus in everything I did. Because if I’m perfectly honest, there were times where I was hurting so badly that I didn’t know how I could get out of bed without laying all of my pain at His feet, trusting Him to get me through each day one at a time. I so clearly remember waking up in one my best friends’ bed the first morning after my world was flipped upside down (not to be dramatic, but this is actually how it felt) and having the first thing I saw be a sign in her room that read “Be Strong & Courageous.” In that moment of re-realization of what had just happened, where I truly thought I would be an emotional, unstable wreck– simply seeing that sign somehow put all of the strength & courage imaginable inside of me. The peace I felt in that moment I still cannot put into words, no matter how many times I’ve tried to explain it to friends. The only way I know how to describe it is that God was in that room with me, His presence fully encompassing me, ready to take me on a journey to know His heart.

Shortly before all of this happened but even more so after, I began to do devotionals on YouVersion (the Bible app, 10/10 recommend to anyone at all stages of faith), read my Bible daily, pray consistently, attend & serve at church, and surround myself with a godly community of friends. Along with some of these practices came an awareness of my sins & shortcomings, as well as the natural desire to surrender some bad habits. Every day since that time I have seen the Love & Hope of Jesus in new ways, heard His voice clearer than ever before, & grown to know that I am infinitely loved by the Lord. The best part is, He loved me no less when I lived my life paying no mind to Him than He does where I am today. He orchestrated all of my steps so that one day, I would make the decision to go all in for Him after He relentlessly pursued me through my seasons of dismissal. Because of the never-changing grace He’s shown me, I can’t help but want to share that with as many people as possible so that they know how easy it is to experience a peace greater than you can even imagine. All you have to do is say yes to Him.

Today in church we looked at Philippians 2:9 and talked about how God exalted Jesus and gave Him the name above all names. Without realizing it, this principle is what I’ve been growing to learn over these months of transformation.

The name of Jesus is above the name of heartbreak.

The name of Jesus is above the name of loneliness.

The name of Jesus is above the name of anxiety.

The name of Jesus is above the name of whatever individual battle you are facing, and He wants to be in relationship with you so that He can give you peace that surpasses all understanding.